Passion for something is the engine that drives the something.
A few months ago I sat down to blog and felt annoyed. I got up and walked away, telling myself I’d come back to write later. Days went by; the days turned into weeks and I still didn’t come back to write. Finally, after some thought, I crafted a post about ending The Yellow Kite and my need for a hiatus. I wrote nothing for five months! When I did return, I thought I had regained my sass, i.e. passion. Counting today’s post there have only been two written in the past three months…that doesn’t sound like something driven by passion.
What I now realize is my inner voice has been telling me the passion for this has gone. It vanished as quickly as it once appeared. Anyone who has written with passion–otherwise known as being in the zone–knows the words simply flow through the writer. Barely recognizable thoughts and ideas arrange themselves into (hopefully) worthwhile words. I used to sit down and allow that passion to move through me, out my fingertips onto my keyboard, then magically onto your screen. I was the vessel that passion filled until the words spilled forth. I no longer feel that. I’m just a vessel.
Like most people these days, my life is full with many people and activities clamoring for my time and attention. Some of these are fun and optional, some are stressful have-to’s. As my focus deepens in some areas, it is inevitably pulled away from others, like The Yellow Kite. I’m pretty adept at juggling, but I prefer life when I’m not flitting from one thing to another without savoring the time spent in each activity or with each person. At some point there is a decision to be made: either try to cram in everyone and everything, or put an end to something and/or some relationships.
Ending things does not come easy for me and making a conscious decision to put an end to this blog is very hard for me. The words you’ve read here have been from my heart and given to you with the hope of uplifting you, helping you through a tough time, or bringing light into your life. However, with my focus elsewhere, I have only been able to give The Yellow Kite attention when I feel the guilt of neglecting it. It, and you, deserve more than that from me as a blogger.
As I look around, so many opportunities are at hand and I will continue blogging or writing in some form–most immediately in an arena that supports my growing business. However, I am always open to new and varied opportunities, so who knows what the future holds!
It is with deepest gratitude that I thank you for sharing in this venture with me. Without you, my words would have been nothing but vapid thoughts and feelings lost in my heart and head. I have enjoyed our time together.
It’s time to put The Yellow Kite to bed.
One last time,
The Yellow Kite, by Christine Conley
P.S. The site will stay up until it is next due for renewal.