Welcome to 2015. Yep, I’m a little late, but what happened was…
Let’s start with a little clarification: I’m a very detail oriented, organized, and ambitious person. I don’t claim overachiever status, but I do all right. Lately, since about Christmas, I have been one hot mess! I’ve been misplacing things, (albeit husband insists I lose things), my thoughts are scattered, I forgot to renew my Yellowkite domain, my productivity is off, and everything I attempt is fraught with struggle and setback. This is just not right and this morning I decided to put an end to it!
I am not good at meditating, but I found some quiet time and started with acknowledging the facts as I see them: I have been taking on too much with the holidays, end-of-year business details, pushing forward with business marketing (never a good sign when I realize I’m pushing at something), then jumping right into an office makeover. What began as a desire to repaint the walls led to also painting some bookshelves, which led to wanting a built-in look, ergo incorporating an old stand I had in the basement, which led to painting that, adding a shelf and a beauty panel. Window treatments were a no-brainer, I wanted them to match my living room and dining room, but when I searched IKEA I noticed they had doubled in price. Not happening! (Did I mention I’m a very frugal DIY’er?) Anyway, that led to two days of scouring several local stores for over-sized linen panels at a reasonable price. When I didn’t find anything, I purchased two linen tablecloths to sew into panels. Let’s come back to this in a minute.
Once I had painted and put things together enough to return to my office, I plugged in my computer and found it had miraculously died in the four days it sat on the living room floor. I now had the added distraction of trying to revive it, although it was old and had served me well and I should have let it RIP. I Frankensteined it with another old computer and got it up long enough to take its last breath. RIP you SOB, now I have to replace you! I decided I couldn’t even think about that for a while, so back to thinking about curtains.
I revisited the IKEA site and realized I had read the pricing wrong and the price increase was minimal over my previous purchase. While on the site, I also found a rug I liked–it was mainly blue with brown paisley. Husband decided we would spend the day together and we took a drive to IKEA. Of course, when we arrived, he pulled up to the curb and announced he wasn’t coming in since I only had to grab two things. If you’ve ever been to IKEA you’ll get this next part: Going in alone is very, very daunting! I quickly made my way to the drapery area, then spent 15 minutes trying to find what I was looking for. How hard can it be to find a package clearly labeled by name? Apparently, when you’re on the struggle-bus, it’s hard. Once I finally located and had the panels in hand, I had to make my way from the third floor to the lower level for rugs and checkout. I made it to the second floor via escalator, but damned if I could find my way off Level 2! I couldn’t find the escalator down and started wandering aimlessly like a rat in a maze, which then led to questioning myself–What is wrong with me, surely I’ve had a stroke or maybe I have a brain tumor? After finding an employee for assistance, I located the escalator, just like she said, “Behind that big wall over there.” Seriously? Who puts an exit behind a wall? IKEA, I think you’ll hear from me about this–I may need therapy! Anyway, I finally made it to rugs, and like the curtain area, there’s no logical organization in rugs. I finally spied the rug I wanted, but it was BROWN! I looked at the computer photo I had brought along, looked at the name and couldn’t figure out how I was looking at a brown instead of blue rug. I own a brown rug and don’t want another. I checked out with only my panels and what was left of my sanity.
My dear husband humored me by stopping to return the tablecloths I had previously purchased and also at each and every store that possibly secreted a rug I would like and also a small cabinet–I don’t even want to go there–making our hour long ride home nearly three hours. Needless to say, we were both exhausted when wwe got home, but I had to know…did IKEA’s website mention the rug was brown or blue? Upon looking, I realized they carry it in both colors, with different names. A fact I missed when I compared my photo to the actual rug. I think it was about this time I teared up and opened a bottle of wine. Alzheimer’s. I’m over fifty, this must be how it begins. My husband simply gave me a concerned look and stated, “You have to pay more attention to what you’re doing!” I couldn’t even deny that he was right.
I toned things down a little on Sunday and Monday, giving myself a bit of a mental break. It seemed to help a bit. Tuesday I got involved with a customer’s custom-order request and started having fun. That helped even more.
This morning I woke realizing I haven’t been living my mantra, which is from my favorite movie, Under the Tuscan Sun. The lines are, “You have to live spherically, in many directions. Never lose your childish enthusiasm and things will come your way.” I have made it through the fray of the holidays, the year-end business push, and also my office update; I didn’t die from having to purchase a new computer; and I had, in fact, been so hyper-focused on business that when a few normal life activities demanded my time, I forgot how to balance it all. I was so serious and wanted military-like precision in everything, I forgot to live in the way that best suits me, which includes plenty of diversity, enthusiasm and fun!
A few minutes with myself in reflection and I reoriented. When I was looking for explanations of mental deficiencies, or questioning if someone had gifted me a Gremlin for new year, the truth was always there: My busyness and lack of childish enthusiasm are the only gremlins I had to deal with. Funny thing is, I know these Gremlins–they have been with me a while and occasionally catch me off guard and sneak out. I soothed them and put them back in the corner of my psyche and hope to keep them at bay for a very, very long time. The best defense to my Gremlins are fun and enthusiasm…I’m back on my stride! (I still think I will contact IKEA about that hidden exit…it traumatized me!)
Make the best of your day, and this year, find your childish enthusiasm and bring some fun into your life!
The Yellow Kite