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The Summer that Tried to Consume Me

I have started this blog post umpteen times. Each time I sat down to write it, something either distracted me, I had a computer glitch or the words simply did not flow. If the writing doesn’t come easily to me, I know either the message I want to share isn’t the right one, or the timing isn’t right. Today all feels right, so on I go…

If you’ve ready any of my posts, you know I’m a huge proponent of life balance–the understanding that too much activity in one sector leads to neglect in another. I’ve blogged about having an internal gyroscope that uprights me and about setting boundaries to help maintain balance. I have talked about grief and finding hope. And I have talked about regrets, family, dreams, and marching to the beat of your own drum. In a nutshell, I blog about living a life of awareness.

Awareness is a good thing. Mostly. Yet, lately, my awareness challenges me. I am acutely aware that bad things happen to good people–and animals. I am aware of the friendships I have let languish. I am aware of the personal and business demands that require my time. I am also aware that some days I find myself resentful of those demands. I examine how I spend my time and question if doing what I want versus dong something else adds value to the world. I am aware I could do more for others.

But, more than anything, I became aware of this incessant ticking of life’s clock. I am aware of the rapid passing of time and wonder if there is enough of it left for me to make a difference, to mend fences, to explore and experience life in the ways I desire.

This ticking clock has the ability to steal my breath with oppressive, fearful thoughts. And it would, if I chose to only look at one side of each situation. However, I do not and will not live my life that way!

Each heavy thought has another side to it, be it opportunity, a learning experience, a challenge, or a chance for appreciation. This awareness is what has kept me balanced over this crazy, all-consuming summer. Accepting only the heavy side is like being trapped in a dark room with only the sound of a ticking clock–it’s fear inducing. Examining the flip side is like turning on the lights, throwing open the doors and finding freedom. Either way, the clock continues to tick, but we have the choice to make it background noise instead of our life’s cadence.

So, while I spent some time in the dark room, I quickly grew weary of that and chose to look at the flip side of each heavy thought. I chose to drown out the monotony of the ticking with moving, doing, being.  In that choice I found freedom.

Make it your best day!

The Yellow Kite

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