Good day my friends! Today’s topic–Daring to Bare Me–challenges me in the biggest way. It is with trepidation I am going to share something very intimate about myself. Even as I begin this post, I wonder if I will finish it and hit publish; I wonder if this is the right thing to do; I wonder if anyone will even care! Onward I go…
When I began The Yellow Kite, I did so with the intention of sharing my perceptions, life lessons and insights, so that, just perhaps, I could inspire you, lift you up when you’re down, help you understand yourself or life in a different way, or just let you know that we all have our struggles and triumphs…you’re not alone in this. I also intended to accomplish this while sharing just enough of me to make a personal connection, but to avoid this being a blog about me. I think I’ve accomplished that fairly well, but today this post is me-centric. Of course, while the writing is about me, the lessons are ones that I hope hold meaning for you, too.
There is a secret I hide from most of the world. I don’t have webbed feet or x-ray vision, I’m not a secret hoarder or government agent. It’s really not that exciting, but it impacts how I operate in the world. I am an empath; a sensitive. What does this mean? It means I am highly sensitive to emotions, feelings, events; I have a deep sense of knowing; and yes, I can sometimes even pick up on future events or see past events I was not privy to. It means I am tuned in to other people, animals, even places and objects. It means I can see past a person’s facade: I know when someone is trying to BS me, put on a brave face, or tell half-truths. I sometimes know when someone is sick before being told, or even before they know. I often know more than I care to know. I don’t go around reading minds, I don’t talk to dead people, I don’t do parlor tricks and I certainly don’t know winning lottery numbers!
Ok, deep breath. Sharing this information is total self-disclosure and something I have hesitated doing because my fear is that people will alter how they interact with me. Which, ironically is partially why I’m sharing.
From time to time, I go off the radar. I retreat to the sanctuary of my home, my family and my designed life. I suddenly stop interacting with others, or I am very guarded in my interactions. I know I have offended or left people wondering. Trust me, it isn’t about you, it’s all about me! I do this as a self-protective measure. I do it when I have reached my saturation point and my well-being is at risk. Sounds a bit heavy, doesn’t it? It is!
You see, being a sensitive, I literally absorb energy from others. I can feel other people’s illnesses in my body; negative energy affects me in a way I can only describe as moving through mud, in a dense fog, while wearing army boots; sadness or insecurity feels like an anvil in my chest or stabbing pain in my neck; arrogance gives me a headache and itching skin; and hate or evil gives me a metallic taste in my mouth. Sometimes a feeling is so powerful I am brought to tears, break out in hives, or experience other strange phenomenon. It’s a wonder I have been able to keep this under wrap!
Thankfully, I don’t only pick up on negative vibes–I am blessed to absorb positive ones as well.
While there is much, much more to all this–a lifetime of experiences–I have shared to my limit today, so let’s get to the two life lessons I believe exist here: Being a good gatekeeper to ourselves and embracing all of who we are.
I am pretty good at limiting negativity in my life or grounding myself from it. However, from time to time–especially when there is a crush of negativity generated through multiple, overlapping events like illness, discord, death, change in routine, etc.–it slips through and when it does, it affects me at a deep, cellular level. My entire system goes haywire and I have to find time to “reboot”. For me this means prayer, exercise, meditation and Reiki.
I am certain that I’m not alone in this. I believe each of us is impacted by those around us and would do well to be selective in the company we keep and what thoughts and experiences we allow into our life, as much as is possible.
I recently saw a saying by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor that says, “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.” Good advice and I would expand it to include, “Be selective in what energy you allow into this space.”
Our words and actions have the ability to hurt or comfort; to tear down or lift up; and to rip apart or bring together. Sometimes they go much deeper than ever imagined. Be selective.
The second lesson is to embrace ourselves in entirety. It’s one thing to know who we are and another to embrace who we are. I have had this “gift” of being a sensitive my entire life. It frightened me and for years I pushed it down, pretending it didn’t exist. I was no more successful at this than if I denied having a chin on my face…just because I don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there! In denying this aspect of myself, I shunned a part of me; I let fear and misunderstanding stand in place of a wonderful tool. Because of loving friends, I have learned to embrace this part of me. In essence, I have de-fragmented my system. This, combined with ongoing upgrades, and a reboot, will have me operating much more efficiently.
Is there a part of you that you’ve fragmented? Is your system in need of a reboot? Take some time to be with yourself–get a massage, ask for guidance, or simply upgrade by creating a new operating system of boundaries, beliefs and environments! You, my friend, deserve it.
The Yellow Kite